What are they really learning when you do their homework?

Happy Elf Mom turned me on to this Joanne Jacobs blog about a mom justifying doing her kids' homework. 

 The actual blog post in interesting enough, as all of Joanne Jacobs posts are, but the comment section really blew me away.

It all starts with a blog post called Don't hate me because I do my daughter's homework.  As I read the post in entirely, I absentmindedly mumbled some words that I won't repeat.  In short, I felt like mom was full if it and trying to justify what she knew was wrong. The post ends with "But, when it comes to math, I leave that to her. I hate math. I will look at her math homework to see if she’s done it, but that’s all. So maybe, yes, I do her homework for her (or at least really, really chip in) – but I only do the fun homework. And you?"  Give me a break.

Anyway, like I said, the comments on regarding this post were far more interesting than anything this mom or Ms Jacobs had to say.

There were parents who justified doing homework because the assignments were stupid or because extracurricular and  family time were more important.

There were others who blasted the mommy in question for her "help" which surely went over and above.  Most felt she was bordering criminal behavior.

I felt that the problem was more about honesty and modeling for the child than anything else.  First, I think it is passive aggressive (and easier) to do a child's homework rather than to speak to the teacher about the homework assignment, and maybe ask for something more valuable.I also think that the parent may be underestimating the value of the homework given. A lot of the things she is complaining about, cutting, pasting, drawing, and puzzles are actual valuable activities for visual and kinesthetic learners.  If the child is clearly a different type of learner, then the parent should help the child negotiate a different type of assignment with the teacher.

Furthermore, and most of all, I feel like this is one of those gray areas that many parents participate in, and then when their kids are adults, the wonder why they kids are participating in questionable behavior.  Now these are my personal pet-peeves, but here's how I see it.

You can't buy bootleg and fake merchandise such as movies, and purses, and be surprised when your kid outright steals.  You have set the example of supporting theft.

You can't accepts a "discount" from a friend who works at a store, and be surprised when your kid is arrested for shoplifting.

You can't lose your temper in the mall parking lot at Christmas time over a parking space and be surprised when your kid is arrested for an act of road rage.

Our kids not only do what we do, but they tend to amplify our behavior.  It might be nothing now, but wait until your grown up kid copies your behavior at a much higher level.  It won't be pretty.  In other words, if mom does Jr's homework now, she should not be surprised when he gets busted for paying someone else to take his college entrance exam... which by the way, could be a punishable offense.


I just want to add a bit of a personal afterthought.  I was interrupted while writing this post by my 15 year old who wanted me to grade her practice PSAT exam.  Had it been a real PSAT exam she would have scored a 206.  This is crazy good...  National Merit good.  (provided she doesn't choke).  I point this out, not to brag, but to explain that any score she gets on the PSAT has NOTHING to do with me, even as a homeschooler.  This is a kid who has always learned independently.  Sometimes she did all of the work assigned to her.  Sometimes she blew it off.  And she always, always rushed through the process.  But in her entire education from public preschool and Kindergarten, through homeschool co-ops, online learning, academic classes, and self led textbooks, she never wanted, or accepted help from me.  She could be stuck on a math problem for a week, and would still shoo me away.  Yet she learned.  This may not always translate to great grades on paper, but in the end, if you let your child do more independent learning, you will end up with one smart kid.



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I never thought I fit in with other homeschoolers

Ever since we began homeschooling, I have felt like a strange egg in a sea of strange ducks.  I know I am not a typical parent because I don't have patience for a lot of the mom stuff, especially school stuff.  So as I homeschooler, you would think I'd fit right in... right?  Nope.  No.

I hear all of these enthusiastic homeschoolers talking curriculum and such and my eyes glaze over, and I am pretty sure my lazy eye crosses because people start looking at me funny. Everybody wants to share tips.  Every body wants to make judgement on someone who they think may not be homeschooling just right.  Everybody wants to agree. But here's how I see it.  If I wanted to follow instructions, I would have left my kids in school.

I have been visiting over at Rants From Mommyland for the past couple of days and finally, I found some girls I feel at home with... probably because they curse.  They're real. I especially enjoyed the few posts they have about homeschooling.  Some are guest posts, and another is about when a neighbor decided to homeschool.  By the way ladies, I would love an update on that.


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Visit the CitySchooling Blog

If I could change one thing about our homeschooling journey, we would be doing it in NY where I was raised.... or I would at least like to think so.  I am so jealous of this blogger at the cityschooling blog.

 But then if I had never left NY, so many things would be different.  I may have never married my sweetheart who has dragged me all over the country.  I would have never seen education, or the lack of from so many different views.  I may have put my kids in the same Catholic Schools I went to and have been satisfied with it.  So, while I don't like to have regrets, I do wish my kids had had a city experience like I had.  But we are probably exactly where we need to be.

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Best of Homeschooling: My favorite blogs

Sending out some link love to my fellow homeschoolers:


Phat Mommy: she almost never blogs about homeschooling. I think that is what keeps her blog fresh and interesting. She has a life.

Spiritbee: I think its the pretty colors and the logo that first attracted me.

Home Spun Juggling: My favorite part of this blog is the cartoons. The regular posts are good too.

Nerd Family: I am a nerd too. I can't help it. Lots of cood givaways, meal plan ideas, and fun links.


Read more Notes From a Homeschooling Mom

Visit Me at the Families.com Homeschool Blog

Visit My Education Column at Examiner.com

Octamom has a great gem on Homeschool Couture

This is he best blog post I have read in ages!!! The photos are priceless too... check it out.
Homeschool Couture by Octamom.

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Visit Me at the Families.com Homeschool Blog

Visit My Education Column at Examiner.com

Homeschool gem of the day

Here's a cool back to school song for homeschoolers called I will Survive the First Year of Homeschooling





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Visit Me at the Families.com Homeschool Blog

Cartoon Gem from Lew Rockwell blog

I am giving you a link to check out this blog as it is a cartoon and hard to take an excerpt from. Check it out


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Homeschooling gems from other bloggers: Home Spun comics

This homespun educator has been writing home spun comics. I love them! The latest edition addresses misinformation about homeschooling in the news. Check them out... They are great.

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Bending the Twigs: CA Judge rule Parents have no Constitutional Right to Homeschool

Crimson wife said everything there is to say about this issue... I really have nothing to add... Actually I am quite speachless.

CA Judges: "Parents Have No Constitutional Right to Homeschool"

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Grizzly Mama: The Bitter Homeschooler's Wish List

Another gem from a fellow homeschooler: Grizzly Mama: The Bitter Homeschooler's Wish List

UPDATE: Please see the first comment regarding credit for the post I have profiled here.

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Barbara Frank: Homeschool vs. Public School

Here's a great gem from a fellow homeschooler. Barbara Frank: Homeschool vs. Public School

Losing friends to homeschooling

A post by Mother Crone caught my eye today. It was about homeschooling, and lost relationships, and not wanting to be judged. I lost a few friendships and have had other personal relationships strained since we started homeschooling. Some relationships were lost because I found them toxic to my kids well being. Other relationships were lost because others felt my personal decisions were judgements on them.

While I have to admit that it all makes me very sad... and sometimes lonely, I realize I am not here to make friends... at least not in this stage of my life. Instead I am here (right now) to make my kids the best they can be.

I can't let anyone or anything interfere.

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