a poem. No child left behind.

Not why most people homeschool, but this rings true to me.

Homeschool flip-flopping

True Story:

Friend decides to try homeschooling and puts very desperate sounding messages on FaceBook, so I contact them.  They are at their wits end.  They need help.  They've been homeschooling for just a few months and they are struggling.

I set a lunch date and spend hours upon hours putting together information that I think will be useful to them, and show up at the designated time and place.  We sit down and have the niceties and person informs me that kids are back in school. She gave up.  I'm fine with that, but I am not fine that she wasted my time.  I would have gladly still kept the lunch date, but I wouldn't have spent time preparing
for the lunch date.  I was disgusted.

For the next two years, this person plays musical chairs with their kids... homeschool, not homeschooling, online schooling, homeschool program classes... round and round.

A recent conversation revealed that the oldest (who managed to keep homeschooling in some form) went back to school this year and was put back a grade or two.  I am not surprised.  Their homeschooling was too haphazard and unfocussed. There was no plan. There was no purpose. There was no intention.

I think what upset me the most was the tone of the conversation. I felt that the person was making a judgement on homeschooling, and even my recommendation of it due to their failure.  They did not see that they did not go about it intentionally and so success was hindered.

I wish they had spoken to me before they ever decided to homeschool.  If they had, I would have told them the following:

1. Don't pull your kids out of school because you are angry at the school or teacher or program. 
2. Don't try to follow someone else's homeschool program. Instead, educate yourself about homeschooling and try to determine what is best for your kid before you start. 
3. Don't start homeschooling a high school student unless you plan to go through to graduation.  If there is a chance of the kid going back to high school, then you should educate them realizing that they will have to take a series of tests to get placed into their proper place.  This means no shortcuts, and very little specialization. You have to use the same curriculum that the schools use. 

At the end of the day, my best advice is to not flip-flop.  Be intentional, and understand that it is a long term commitment.  You have to understand that just one year or six months of homeschooling is not going to miraculously make the kid a super genius who accelerates through 3 grade levels (I have seen that happen, but it is rare.  That first year is often spent back-tracking, filling educational gaps, and tending to the child's heart.  So if you homeschool for one year and put the child back, you probably won't see any progress. ... and that is where many of the bad reputations linked to homeschooling comes from. 

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Don't be stupid

 There is a local YouTube sensation named Megan McGlover.  She starts out reporting (ranting) about the weather, then she goes off on tangents about other things in the news.  She usually ends her report with "don't be stupid".  She's got a point.

Fifty years ago, Mr. Richard Eggers was stupid.  He was about 18 years old and he made a cardboard dime and used it to operate a washing machine. His "stunt" as he describes it landed him in jail for two days.  As far as anyone knows he has been a law abiding citizen ever since.  However, Wells Fargo, the bank Mr. Eggers worked for fired him for the 50 year old stunt. There's a whole bru-ha-ha about new FDIC laws about having people with criminal activity working at banks and banks being overzealous in weeding out
these crooks (and ignoring the big-wigs stealing our money), but that's a conversation for a different time.

The sticking point for me is that young people have to realize that we now live in a society where your mistakes will haunt you FOREVER.  There is no wiggle room for "boys being boys" or "sowing your wild oats".  Make a mistake now, and fifty years later, you will lose your job. ... unless you're famous, then it's art.  Just ask Shia LaBeouf who admits to dropping acid for a movie role.

Anyway, I feel like it is all about how we raise our kids. I have always been a stickler for avoiding gray areas... probably to a fault because my son is all black and white only.  He's not interested in anything having to do with Shades of Gray.   I feel like we let our kids get away with minor infractions, that we are just leaving the door open for big honking infractions later.  For example, how do we let them find $50.00 in a store on the floor and keep it?  It should be turned in to the front desk, or something... it is not theirs.  If we let things like that happen, how could we be surprised when they are accused of jewelry theft, or worse?  But that's just me.

Speaking of stupid, people keep asking me how colleges and such will know that we haven't cut corners in homeschooling.  I.E.  How do they know we didn't give artificial grades kids didn't deserve and let them lounge around giving only minimal effort.  Personally, these are things I never considered.  If I am going to homeschool, I am going to be serious about it to a fault. After all, it turns out that the person who accredited my daughter's homeschool portfolio clearly felt I had been overzealous and probably requested too much of my daughter as she assigned her more credits for her completed work than I would have.  But for those who are not having anyone check behind you, you should know that an inferior education will come back and bite your kid (and you) in the butt later.  Inability to continue their education or be gainfully employed later will be the end result.  So... don't be stupid.



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On homeschooling and parenting

The shot heard round the world this weekend was that of a father who got fed up with his daughter complaining and lying about him on Facebook.  He made a response video in which he shot her laptop entitled Facebook Parenting: For the troubled teen. It went super-mega-extravaganza-like-viral. 6 days, over 21 million hits and remember ya'll 1 million hits makes a video viral.

I am not going to judge him about his parenting skills because depending on the moment, I am either for or against him.... usually based on what my kids are doing or saying at the time.  I can say that I don't find his reaction that unusual.  I found another other parent electronic breaking video on Facebook, with the main difference being between a gun and a bat.  Beat a cell phone with a bat, get 6 thousand views.  Shoot a laptop with a gun... that's money baby!

Anyway, it all just gets me thinking about parenting in the homeschooling community.  As I watched the
video, I kept thinking that no homeschooled child that I have known would ever go on Facebook and write the kind of junk she wrote for many reasons.  First, we tend to friend not only our kids, but our kids' friends and their parents too.  There is a huge network of homeschoolers and parents so that no the kids know that they are monitored.  Secret Facebook pages... good luck. Most of us go on Facebook through our kids pages from time to time (I spent several hours this weekend helping my kid get rid of a Facebook virus that was invading her Facebook private messages through one of those silly games) we would pick up on their friends dummy accounts and ... BUSTED!.  So, no.

Besides that, the kids are raised to talk to their parents, and not about them. When I tell my kids to do something outside of his perfectly reasonable chore list, if he thinks it is unreasonable, he says so.  I don't find this being disrespectful, not at all.  He doesn't raise his voice, get sulky, or stomp his feet.  He looks me in the eye and either says, that he doesn't have time because of X,Y, and Z or that his sister left the mess and so she should have the honor of cleaning it.  I either tell him to do it anyway, say never-mind, or change my request based on the individual circumstance.  I want my kids to feel heard, even if it is inconvenient to me.  Because of this, they have no reason to complain to others about me, like the daughter in question. 

This doesn't make my kids' saints.  They are teens and they can by ANNOYING! But that doesn't give me the right to go all RAMBO on them. Yes, I lose my temper. Yes, I raise my voice. Yes, I make threats and carry them out- or not, but I also remember that I am setting an example for my kids.

On a side note, I once had an argument with a store clerk in front of my kids.  I was hungry and she was being a mondo-jerk.  After telling her off and the store manager too, I went home and stewed on it a while and realized I only had one option in what to do next.  I packed them back into the car,  went back to the store and apologized to the manager.  I could not apologize to her because she had been rightfully fired, ... she was THAT out of line, but I did not have to respond to her bad behavior, so I had to let me kids see that a good person makes mistakes but also admits to them.  ... and from reading the Facebook page of the father in question, it is clear that the attention has humbled him and he and his kid are NOW talking. 

Whether people like me saying it or not, there is a huge difference between homeschooled kids and non-homeschooled kids.  I know this because I have seen the difference between teens who have homeschooled for years, and teens who have just started homeschooling. The kids who have been homschooled for a number of years, look you in the eye, speak to adults, can hold a conversation with a 2-year-old and a 100-year-old effortlessly and are ready for the real world.  Meanwhile, kids who are new to the homeschool world, don't make eye contact, don't like it when adults speak to them, and avoid contact with those who aren't the same exact age.  How this constitutes being "socialized" is beyond me.  Similarly, when I had a parent complain about morale problems in a homeschool sports organization, I only had one question... how long had the kids that are causing problem been homeschooled.  Oh, they just started... I thought so.

Does this make homeschool parents perfect parents.  Absolutely not. There are many bad parents who homeschool in some shape or form... but the fact is that it takes a certain type of parent to want to homeschool... and that parent is going to be the one to have conversations and interactions with the child that will eliminate the need to vent and lie of Facebook, and so no laptops will be murdered.



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I don't need no public school programs

I just read a column in the Washington Post where the writer, John Kelly, makes an argument for keeping homeschoolers out of public schools.

I agree, but for different reasons.

In his case, he has a distaste for homeschoolers taking spots from kids who go to the school, either in theater or sports, or whatever.

In my case, I have a distaste for how we sometimes take the easy way out and try to get into public programs instead of pitching in and creating a homeschool alternative.

Sure, homeschool clubs can cost more in time, money, and effort, but isn't homeschooling supposed to be parents giving of themselves to provide their children with a superior education?  If so, then why are so many homeschoolers trying to get back in public schools so they can pick and choose the ideal activities for their kids.  Not only does this put your child back in the situation you did not like in the first place, but it weakens strength of programs that we as homeschoolers can create.

Somewhere along the way, during the duration of my homeschooling tenure, I feel that we have lost sight of the "homeschooling community" and what we can accomplish when we band together.  Maybe it was that the internet made it easy for us to communicate without actually meeting.  Maybe it was because those who have been doing it all along got tired, and those coming behind were looking for something that wasn't truly homeschooling, but instead the best of both worlds.

Yeah, that's probably it.  But that's not homeschooling, and neither is going to joining public school clubs and teams.




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When homeschooled kids hate homeschooling

Transcript (summarized in parts)

Hi this is Ahermitt.  This is the first video I am making on my iPad and there are some things I am going to have to get used to like the weird placement of the camera.

(yada-yada- new ipad, blah, blah, blah)

What I want to address, is comments from people who have homeschooled unsuccessfully. For example, I just watched a video called "Homeschooling is a MISTAKE".  He really should have entitled it
"Homeschooling was a mistake for me".

It's a young man who talks about having had anxiety issues in school - bad anxiety issues, and ended up homeschooling. Now I guess the anxiety is worse. So he doesn't feel like going back to school or transitioning to college is an option for him.  He feels 'desocialized' because due to his anxiety attacks and being allowed to homeschool, .. and on his own schedule, that he feels like he has withdrawn to a point where he cannot transition back into school or college. He thinks he's "screwed".

There are some things he could have done differently in his case.  His parents could have been more involved, and/or  perhaps put him into a program where he could homeschool part time, where he could go in once or twice a week to get assignments that he could finish at home. That would have also kept him on track because he is a semester behind in addition to all that.

From time to time, I've seen a lot of articles, comments, videos, from people who have homeschooled without success.  (Actually, probably just 3 or 4 a year.) It really bothers me, not because the person is speaking their mind and from their truth but because they are speaking from their truth and tramsferring their issues onto all homeschoolers. In most of these cases where people went on to give reasons why homeschooling didn't work for them, it was for reasons like overbearing parents who didn't let the kids out of the house or some degree of laziness. This is soooo not typical of most homeschoolers. I know a lot of homeschoolers, and I've seen a lazy factor in maybe 2% and most of the homeschoolers I know are extremely active.   My personal big confession is that we are a few weeks behind (we were close to 2 months behind, but are catching up over the holidays)... the reason is because we are soooo active in the commity that the book-work got a little neglected last semester.

So when you see something like the video like the one I've mentioned here, Please understand that they are talking about their personal experience and that is all they know.  They haven't seen homeschooling from a healthy perspective. Listen to what they have to say, but take it in the proper context, and don't let the scare you from homeschooling.

Good or bad... don't just take anyone's work for it.  Look around, ask questions, and get lots of opinions.

That's all I have for now.  Good bye.

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If you think the way they dress doesn't matter...

I read a very good article that speaks of how young black men feel pushed out of Tampa Bay schools.  No one is interested in their success.  They are being pushed through and pushed aside.  They are not treated as individuals they complain.  ... And their complaints are very true. 

One statement bugged me though.

Bernard Scott is the only person in his family who graduated and pursued
higher education.

But the 22-year-old said he still got rebuked by white professors and teachers who were more preoccupied with whether his pants were hanging low and he wore a hooded sweatshirt.

"I'm here, in college, and that's the only thing you're worried about?" said Scott, who attended Admiral Farragut Academy in St. Petersburg and graduated in May from Assumption College in Massachusetts with a degree in management. "The problem is not sagging. They're worried about the wrong thing."

True, he was at the college to get a higher education, and learning was far more important than what he had on.  But his how he presented himself was also important.  At 22 years of age, a young man should know that it is time to leave behind childish things and to dress like an adult.  Adults, trying to move forward into the business world do not wear sagging pants and hooded sweatshirts. 

Let's look at a couple of people people who sell hooded sweatshirts: 

Russell Simmons:  Hip-hop entreprenuer and owner of Phat fashions sells a great deal of sagging jeans and hooded sweatshirts geared toward teenagers, but the 53 year old media and fashion mogul is almost always photographed ina dress shirt and Jacket or sweater or vest.  He also wears a baseball cap 50% of the time, but that's about image.  People take him seriously though because he dresses like a man and not a sullen child.

Jay Z:  The singer rapper, and husband of superstar diva Beyonce is often seen wearing hooded sweatshirts and pants with just a little sag... on stage, or on vacation..  But you'd better believe that he knows when to put on a suit and tie too.  The 40 year old rapper, enterpreneur, partial owner of the New Jersey Nets, and co-creator owner of Rocawear knows when to dress for business and does it well.  Have you seen is Artful Dodger collection?

Is that too much to ask for our young men?  Dress like rap star wannabees when you are hanging out when your friends and even practicing your music skills, but dress like future business men in the classroom.

I am sorry, but as a black woman and the mother and aunt of young black men, nothing makes my eyes bleed more than to see pants buckled below the buttocks.  I can't have a serious conversation with a young man who is showing me his rear end.  I imagine many teachers have the same issue.

So while I understand the points of the young men who feel ignored and pushed out of schools, I offer you this challenge.  Dress like you are there for business and see if there is a marked improvement in the way you are treated.  If after taking that step, teachers are still ignnoring you, then you have every right to make a stink about it.



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Homeschooling Should Be Banned, Part 2

So I took another look at the debate and  as Mrs. C said in the comments it appears to be a high school debate website.  Another thing I noticed is that the side AGAINST homeschooling in European, most specifically from the Czech Republic.  That explains most of the positions for the ban as a whole.  With points such as "homeschooling harms society" and "breeds separatism", it is clear that the arguments against homeschooling are not in line with any American Values.... and thank goodness.  I would hate to see American students coming up with such brain-washed responses.

On the side FOR homeschooling, American students have weighed in.  While they don't have the typical responses that a homeschooler gives, probably because they haven't homeschooled, they do give intelligent points that address the feasibility of such a ban altogether.

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I don't need a study to tell me that 1 million children are misdiagnosed with ADHD

I don't need a study to tell me that 1 million children are misdiagnosed with ADHD.  My daughter could have easily been one of those children.  This post written a year after we started homeschooling tells what she was like at the time. If the Kindergarten and first grade teacher got their way, she would have been put on Ritalin to make their lives easier.

Sure, she was a handful.  She was certainly the youngest in her class, which the study pointed out was the main reason for misdiagnosis.  A child who is a full 11 months younger than the oldest child is going to act a year younger.  They are going to be baby-like in comparison and more physically active.  As we had moved from NY to Atlanta, she had started school at a younger age than most children and her summer birthday allowed her to squeak into a Kindergarten class younger than most kids.

Her immaturity read as hyperactivity and inattention.  But I knew better.  Even if I was wrong, I knew I could handle the issues one-on-one that a teacher could not handle in a full classroom.  By working with her one-on-one, I also learned that  she didn't learn like most kids.  She was truly a Right-Brained Child in a Left-Brained World. Giving her ritalin would have never "corrected" this.  It wasn't meant to be corrected, it is meant to be worked with. 

I am so glad I never accepted the diagnosis and that my beautiful teenage daughter was allowed to mature on her own, without medication.

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Scary Homeschool Stats

Some time ago, Crimson Wife over at Bending the Twigs wrote a post entitled

Are the Doubters Right about Homeschooling for High School? 

In this post, she revealed some test scores showing that homeschoolers in charter schools fared worse academically each year they homeschooled.  In the end, she works it, out pointing out that many homeschoolers move on to community college and higher education options, so these scores showed the lowest of the barrel.  

I noticed another disturbing factor... something veteran homeschoolers have been warning us about for years.  These test scores were from charter schools.  Charter schools that have been used for years to lure insecure homeschools back under the umbrella of the public education system.  That means these kids also among those whose parents are  not actively involved in homeschooling their kids but simply have them at home doing public school work.  

 Do you know what these stats really tell me?... THAT PUBLIC SCHOOL CURRICULUM DOES NOT WORK in and of itself. 

 Now I am not going to tell homeschoolers to not use public school at home resources.  I have met some "homeschoolers" who would not be able to function about it. But all homeschooling families must understand that true homeschooling where the parent gets down and dirty into the nitty-gritty of the curriculum and actively helps, assists, and researches is the only kind of homeschooling that will be ultimately successful in the end.  

 Ask any parent of a highly successful public school student how involved they were... you better believe that their journey would mirror that of a homeschooler, even with their kids in school... Why would any homeschooling parent expect to do less?

 Curriculum is meant to be used as a tool... not a substitution for one-on-one tutoring.  No one who understands this fact will have a child whose stats are as low as the ones in Crimson Wife's post:

Are the Doubters Right about Homeschooling for High School?

 Trust me... the doubters are wrong.

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Classes for homeschooling parents?

I noticed an ad in the margin of facebook today.  It said  something to the effect of, "Homeschooling your children? Take online classes to improve your effectiveness".

It kind of made me mad.  This $99 course entitled homeschool with success, struck me as something to take advantage of parents who might be insecure about homeschooling.  I doubt that it teaches any more than can be read in a free book found at the library.

~Do you think this could be a helpful course for homeschoolers?

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Truth be told, I envy unschoolers. But...

If you don't know what unschooling is, check out this Good Morning America story from this morning. 

 Imagine... no expensive textbooks, no prodding and pleading to get chores done, no constant harassing for that essay you asked them to write over a week ago.  Oh, the dreams of a homeschooling mother.  But at what cost?

The Biegler children have the freedom of unschooling, and allow their children to do as they please without putting rules on restrictions on their lives... this includes not learning if they don't wish to learn.  Believe it or not, I do see some value in it.

For example, my son is quite knowledgeable about internet design.  My husband is an IT exec, and so this may have spurred his interest in computers in general.  I have had to write in CSS Style pages and HTML for a few writing assignments, and he asked me to teach it to him.  That is the only formal instruction he has had in web design. He learned Javascript and the other things that I can't even begin to understand on his own, by surfing the internet and reading web design manuals.  He did this in his spare time and on his own, and he is quite good at it.

My son also has a friend who didn't like writing or grammar until he started blogging.  I look over his blogs from time to time to give him grammar tips, and look for errors.  For the last month or so, I have found no problems at all with his blog.  How did he get so good at writing?  Probably because he did it because he wanted to and no one made him.

Truth be told, if I had to do it over again, I probably would have unschooled largely through the 4th grade or so. 

So I get and truly support this type of homeschooling in many ways.  There is so much value to seeing a kid learn and produce on his own.  But..... BBUUTTTTTT......

I fear for the extra work that  long term unschooling places on the parents.  I have teens.  I know what they do.  They will let dirty laundry and funky smells fester until you have to call the Calvary.  They will eat everything in the house, and leave the evidence piled on the table... and the floor... and the ceiling.  They will call a filthy room clean, just because there are no clothes on the floor.  They don't see dirt... and they don't like responsiblity.  OH, and they can sleep for days on end if you don't drag them out of their beds. 

So my fear is that in such an unschooling situation, the kids to what they please, and mom get the word MAID stamped on her forehead.  Because with no chores, then who's going to cook... every meal?  Whose going to set the table?  Who's going to wash the dishes?  Who's going to clean the kitchen? Who's going to take out the garbage?  Who's going to walk the dogs that they begged for?  Who's going to clean the cat litter?  Who's going to vacuum.  Who's going to ash and fold the laundry?  MOM... that's who.  Oh, and DAD.... you're going to have to cut the grass.  I am not saying that this is what kids are for... to do the household chores... but if they are eating the food, and messing the kitchen, and missing the toilet... well, then, they need to help clean it up.

I can guarantee that if there are two people in the home doing as they please and not cleaning up behind themselves, and one person out working, then there is another person at home feeling abused and disrespected.

So as much as I love the idea of unschooling, I am going to have to relegate that type of parenting to only a few hours a day when the children can be creative, without interruption.  I am very respectful of my kids free time, and they really do make the most of it... but at the same time, I demand they be respectful of our home, which means participating in doing the work it takes to keep the home up, and also being respectful of the people who brought them into this world, by doing chores and following household rules.

And then there's the rest of the academics.  I have no comment on how unschoolers educate... I have seen it work for many children... but I don't feel comfortable leaving college entry to chance.  In my home it is a standard that must be met.  They are going for at least 1 year and if at that point they don't want to continue.. fine, but don't expect to come back to my house and keep living like a teenager.  When you are an adult... you are on your own.

I don't believe in unschooler bashing, so I don't hope to open up my comments section for an unschooling bash... so be nice.  But for my house, we will continue to be eclectic homeschooling, which means a little classical, a bit of arts, and some time to grow on their own.





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